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that riot back in
Washington it occurred to me what a really attractive woman you were. That
combined with your demonstrated naivete appealed to me, so I thought I'd ask
you out on a hell, I can't call it a date. That's high school stuff.
An assignation? She was trying to share his high spirits.
Whatever. I was going to take you out to get something to eat. And it just
hit me. Here we are together, sharing a meal, only I had to travel ten
thousand miles or so to make it work out. He coughed, wiped at his eyes
again.
You know something, Josh? This is the first time I've seen an honest smile on
your face since we met. I
don't know if the reticence you've displayed is personal or professional, but
I'm glad something's finally put a dent in it. I kept hoping it wasn't an
ingrained part of your personality.
Come on, now, Merry. I distinctly recall smiling once or twice before this.
I know, she agreed somberly, but those weren't real smiles. They were
surface smiles. They didn't come from within Joshua Oak. They were like casual
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handshakes. It's hard for you to smile and mean it, isn't it, Josh?
Such perception made him uncomfortable and he looked down at his plate. I
haven't had a lot of happy times the past few years, Merry.
I'm sorry. I know you must be involved in something dangerous and sensitive
or you would've told me about it by now. Josh, are you a spy?
A different kind of smile now. No, Merry, I'm not a spy. Not the kind you're
thinking of, anyhow. Do
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I look that much like James Bond?
Not only don't you look like James Bond, you don't look much like Sean
Connery or Roger Moore either. You don't even look like George Lazenby.
I thought everyone had forgotten that film. Oak didn't try to hide his
surprise. You like the Bond films.
A lot of women don't.
A lot of women lead busy, interesting lives. Me, I sit behind a telephone all
night selling equipment to people who are preparing to travel to interesting
places that in all likelihood I'll never get to myself.
He gestured toward the high-rise office buildings of downtown Nairobi, visible
over the wall that surrounded the swimming pool. What do you call this?
Unplanned. The point is I like any escapist film that's well made. The Bond
pictures, anything by Lucas or Spielberg or Zemeckis, even the halfway good
Disney films. Living vicariously is better than not living at all. I'd give
anything for a little excitement in my life. That's why I was so ready,
willing, and eager to take off with Olkeloki. He wanted me to come here with
him, to
Africa
. I didn't much care what he was coming here for, only that he was coming here
. She paused, watching him. You're laughing again. At me?
No, not at you, Merry. What's funny is that my life's been the exact
antithesis of yours. I've been trying for the last three years to find some of
what you've been trying to get away from. I'm no James Bond, not even a George
Smiley, but I've seen a little of the stealth business and it's nothing like
the way it's portrayed in the movies. Most of it is dull, boring, and only
dangerous when you're convinced everything is running smoothly. It isn't much
fun being unable to relax for fear of having your throat cut in an idle
moment. That's not exciting; it's scary as hell. Up until a couple of years
ago I had to take blood pressure medicine every week.
What changed? Obviously you didn't quit your job.
No. I just resigned myself to the dangers. I reached the conclusion that if I
was going to end up dead it was going to be by someone else's hands and not my
own.
That's heavy.
Not as heavy as jumping on a plane to Africa with a half-crazy old man and a
saleslady from Seattle. I
mean, he went on, leaning forward and lowering his voice, I have this
feeling that any minute now a voice is going to say thank you for visiting
the outer limits: we now return control of your television set to you and
I'll wake up back in Butts Corners with a beer in my hand listening to some
local yokel shill used cars for the late-night movie.
I don't have that feeling at all. I know the difference between fantasy and
reality, Josh. My movies are fantasy. This is real.
Is it? I wish I was as certain as you. But I'm not going home until this
cockeyed caravan produces some answers. I just wish I had a better grip on the
questions. I'm afraid I may have left part of my sanity in an elevator back in
D.C. and the rest of it out on a public highway.
What about saving the world, like Olkeloki says?
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Sanity first. Any extra added benefits acquired in the process gratefully
appreciated.
Do you know what I think, Josh?
No, but I have this inescapable feeling you're going to tell me.
I think you're scared.
Haw! Now there's a revelation. Of course I'm scared. I'm scared out of my
senses, Merry. I'm scared from my receding hairline to these old hiking boots
that bring back old scares of their own. Are you going to tell me you're not?
After what happened back on the plane?
I was scared before that, she confessed, but I'm used to being scared. You
work for some secret government agency. You're not supposed to be frightened.
I'm not frightened of anything I understand. I don't understand these
shetani. I'm not sure Olkeloki does either. What do you mean you're used to
being scared?
She looked toward the pool. Everything scares me. Always has, ever since I
was a little girl. I'm scared of making any long-term commitments, which is
why I don't press my boyfriend to make one, and then
I'm scared that he won't ever make one. I'm scared of quitting my safe,
stable, secure, dull, boring job for one that might pay more and be more
stimulating as well. her eyes met his again and in her expression he saw the
little-girl fear Merry Sharrow had never been able to outgrow.
Josh, I'm even scared of the daytime; the crowds, the hustle, the real world.
That's why I chose a night job. There's less to be afraid of. It gives me a
way to hide.
It was a propitious time for the waiter to arrive with their food, giving each
of them time to digest what the other had said. Oak's eggs were slightly
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